Pacing Others
To get others to willingly follow you, you must first have walked in their shoes, and be able to convey that experience to the other. To build rapport and relate well, everything begins with pacing another person. Pacing means adopting another person's model of the world, without judgement, and on their terms. This is where the cliche "walking in their shoes" comes from. Once in their shoes, too fast and you'll lose them, too slow and they'll lose you. The onus as a communicator is on you to monitor and keep the pace.
Once you have paced another person, established rapport and shown that you understand where they are coming from, then you have an opportunity to lead them. You intuitively know the moment because when you zig they zig, and when you zag they zag. If you zig and they zag, you there is not enough rapport.
Leading happens only when you use the influence that you have built up from pacing. You cannot lead a another person unless they are willing to be led, and people will not follow unless they have first been sufficiently paced. It works with horses and it works with people.
Pacing Yourself
You also need to pace yourself. Some spiritual teachers refer to this experience as becoming present, or getting in touch with your feelings. But in NLP, it is necessary preparation to any significant change.
Pacing is the equivalent of understanding the present state in order to build a more appropriate and empowering desired state. For any successful change in yourself or others, pace THEN lead.
